Tuesday, December 4, 2012


//And is it worth the wait/All this killing time?/Are you strong enough to stand/Protecting both your heart and mine?//

There is no clear reason to wake after only an hour and half of sleep, but wake I did. I woke with a hot core of anger charging from me, a solid defiance burning my belly, and here I am. I will use every ounce of steel within this frame to make circumstances as they should be. I am determined. Gone are the times of maintaining the status quo. I am either advancing or I am falling behind, and I will not fail what I have set my mind to do.

I cannot be more clear, but do not intend to be vague. There are many issues swirling within my brain, each requiring more than I feel like I have to give. I cannot fall back on the platitudes so many rely on; no "everything turns out the way it should" will fix this.

I have so easily shown you my weakness, and now I hope you'll see my strength. You told me I had a look of defeat, told me you wanted to wrap your arms around me. I need your arms more than you know; know that you help steady me. I am tired of defeat. I am tired of confusion and restlessness. Yes, I am resilient, but I am about to test my endurance. No, I will not accept waking every night with despair and fighting that tide to return to restless sleep. I am weary to the core. There is no need to exist with this discontent.

There is something between us. This is no sophomore infatuation. Forgive me for taking liberties, but I feel this is the truth. Correct me if I go too far.
I cherish every fucking moment with you. More than anything our situation forces me to learn patience, to learn the value of the lesson.

I began writing this with all the backbone I could muster, but so quickly my backbone melts. Quell this ache. Steady me. Tell me everything will turn out fine, but if you say those words you'd better believe them. Give me the answers...why is it so easy to lean on you?

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