Friday, January 25, 2013


I had such a marvelous couple of days with you, especially today. You are exactly what I have been seeking without any awareness of it. Because of the details of the situation I have had time to explore my emotions and not just rush headlong into them as is my usual wont.

You are intense and passionate, but loving and very sweet. We do click on many levels, and we click spectacularly on a sexual level. Lucky me. Have I ever been this engaged by a lover? Have I ever been so enraptured by each caress and nibble? I can't bring to mind any time I have been so present, any time the experience has been so pure...not clean, but distilled, concentrated, extracted to the basic bones of itself. What I think to do, I act upon, and so often my actions seem to be what you had wanted all along. Attuned. If I want to rub my cheek down the length of you back, inhaling your scent and biting gently...I do it. If I feel you want soft, then soft it is and every ounce of the love I feel for you is in my fingertips, tracing love-lines up the curve of your spine, swirling at your shoulder, and down down down your hip again. My love for you is on my lips, please take it, eat it up. My electric pulse beats the love I have for you, and you can soak it in, my chest pressed to your chest. Two violins. It is tough to leave the cocoon of your scent and warmth, but I carry it with me when I go.

No one tells you what love is like. No one prepares you for the multitude of emotions that come pouring down. Love is not one, it is many. Warmth, kindness, concern, empathy, desire, strength, will, attachment, need, respect, fondness, passion, joy, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for." Profound. Yes. Do you know the deep of feeling I have for you?

Time and again I have affirmed to others, "Yes this is different, yes this is lasting." I have affirmed to those in my past who have asked, never once fully believing it myself, but always keeping my concerns buried. I don't know what makes love last to an 80th anniversary. I have told others things to keep them calm, reassured, never fully believing my words. There has always existed a certain amount of dissonance.

I do not feel dissonance with you. What I feel, I say, knowing you can handle the answers to the questions you ask. I have no idea how this well end, but as with the rest of life, the enjoyment is in the journey. Thank you for this journey.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


It's too much, the contentment I feel wrapped in your arms. Too much, the happiness I feel just seeing you in passing. That blissful smile of yours when you first see me after a long absence, that smile warms me to the core. I feel this overwhelming sense that everything is as it should be when I am with you.

I have so many beautiful memories to return to, so many pleasant images.
I cannot remove the glimpses of you from my brain. Each of your sighs and movements, each of your cries, each of your ecstasies - each left an indelible mark on me. I am drugged by your incomparable scent, unable to resist the draw of your arms, although I would never offer any resistance. 

One of my favorite memories, the one the evokes the most in me, is an image. You are laying on your stomach, your lovely, kissable back exposed before me, your hips raised to meet me. There is an echo of kissing down your back, an echo of taking your skin gently between my teeth. I am kneeling behind you, looking down at my naked legs, my panties damp with our mingled desire, my skin glistening with your juices. It is tattooed on my psyche, this one moment, you still bent before me, the evidence of passion pooling beneath us. This one image draws forth the feeling of my fingers deep inside you, calls out the sound of your cries, pulls at the utter feeling of pleasure in the moment. One tiny moment with you is so fraught with emotion, joy, passion, utter happiness. One tiny moment evokes so much. 

Saturday, January 5, 2013


I wrote this several days ago, and you seem so concerned that I didn't let you read it. So, I don't mind if you read it now. I had a bad night, and it went away. I'm all better, I promise:

I had time and privacy to write tonight, but instead of writing something for you, I poured my heart out for me. I filled my browser pages with conflicting thoughts and feelings and opinions. I got it all out but nothing feels any more clear. What is hardest for me now is keeping all this to myself. I need to pour it out, pour it everywhere and make a mess, but with someone to kneel in my puddles and hug me close and not mind getting wet. I need this to matter to someone else. Too far. Too deep. Too lost.

I said I would be strong. I said I could do it for both of us, and I will. But right now even the thought of pulling myself together for tomorrow is painful. This is what I do. I bleed and want others to see. I am embarrassed to leave myself so exposed, but I cannot hurt and bury it deep. I wish I could be the person you think you love. I wish I could smile and be optimistic full time, but sometimes I hurt and sometimes I'm messy. Do you love that too?

I just feel so flooded and I can't dam it up.
I will wake tomorrow and read this and won't be able to believe how dramatic it sounds, but now, in this moment I just hurt.

Tomorrow I will be okay.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


"There are snowflakes on my tongue
I want to melt on your inner thigh."


"Kiss me where the flames turned blue."

I read her poetry and think of you.
"Kiss me where the flames turned blue." Kiss my hottest places. Warm even the coldest parts of me with your skin, your lips. Melt with me.

I wrote something for you back when we began, late August or so:

"More than anything I want to connect with you. I want to know what lights your fire. Maybe what makes you burn isn't at all close to what makes me burn. That's ok. Maybe I want to see your joy because you have a seemingly endless supply of composure. I just want an opportunity to see the real you. I don't want to see your restraint. I don't want to see that pain in your eyes, that downturn in your lips. I want to see the pure happiness and love in you that each and every soul is capable of showing forth. Forget "showing," I want to see it explode out of you."

Now I have seen you, and to see you is to love you. There is no way around it. Your happiness is stunning, and I simply cannot stop looking at you, touching you. I am still uncovering what feeds your flame, but I will do my best to keep you alight. I want you to burn like I burn...

...and burn I do. I am ablaze with your lips pressed to my lips, ignited by your ardency. My lust for you always simmers just beneath the skin, sparked merely by a knowing glance, sparked simply by the knowledge that you desire me. Where does your flame turn blue, baby? Where can I press my lips to bring you to your boiling point? I need your warmth to keep me going, beautiful.