Monday, December 17, 2012

Under my skin

Some mornings I am in and out of sleep with my mind already churning out what I want to say on the page.

What is it about a good solid hug that can make nearly anything better? My thoughts keep returning to your arms tight around me while I broke down. You held me solidly when I shook with the tension of anger and hurt and frustration, your firm hold making it okay to let it out, to collapse but not fall. I keep returning to that feeling of utter support and safety. When I said that I was tired of feeling not good enough you asked if that was a feeling just from work. It is not. When I feel defeated all the old anger and frustration comes back. I was made to feel not good enough, to feel that I was lacking, to feel that anything that goes wrong is my fault and that is a feeling I will not stand for anymore. Some days I fail at fighting it, but in your arms, even hurt and tired, I do not feel those old ghosts. What you make me feel means so much more than you know. Thank you.

The unhurried moments when I am able to touch you as I'd like are pure heaven. I cannot help but to reach up and rub your ear lobe, or press my lips to the corner of your eyes. Such a simple brush of your skin and mine leaves me so content, so happy.  I look forward to every moment in your presence; just seeing your beautiful face calms me. What have you done to me, love?

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