Monday, August 27, 2012


"A doctor once told me I feel too much. I said, so does god. That's why you can see the grand canyon from the moon." - Andrea Gibson

I feel too much. My body is constantly a roil of emotions. I experience nothing that is not experienced viscerally first. Intellect is second. I am slowly, slowly, slowly, painfully learning how to think first and feel later, but sometimes the yearning is too strong. Sometimes the anger is much too great. Sometimes I feel everything as a serrated knife to my bones; an ache and a grinding much too deep to ever ignore.

I will never care about the grammar in these blogs, never care about the proper punctuation, because e.e. cummings had it right. Emotion first, rules later and maybe never.

Here I am spilling. Who follows the rules when they pour forth all that they are?

I'm stymied by the contradictions. I see what you are damming up. I see the concrete springing leaks.
"...Sometimes I wish that the tide would take me..."

Chris Pureka - Shipwreck

Sunday, August 26, 2012

For you

I don't really know why, but I want you to see me. I want to share all of me with you.

I wanted you there today, experiencing the beauty I was experiencing as I walked around the church garden. I wanted you to experience the vivid gladiolus with the sun making them glow. I wanted you to see the genius in Andrea Gibson's work, to feel the heartbreak the way I feel it when I hear her perform.

I want you to be moved. I want beauty for you.

More than anything I want to connect with you. I want to know what lights your fire. Maybe what makes you burn isn't at all close to what makes me burn. That's ok. Maybe I want to see your joy because you have a seemingly endless supply of composure. I just want an opportunity to see the real you. I don't want to see your restraint. I don't want to see that pain in your eyes, that downturn in your lips. I want to see the pure happiness and love in you that each and every soul is capable of showing forth. Forget "showing," I want to see it explode out of you.

I do not want to be the stumbling block on your journey. I do not want to be the source of the pain in your eyes.

What I am asking for is innocent. You know the day, the time, the place. All I am asking is that you come, still your mind, and find peace. No tricks. Just mutual peace.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


My mindset during yoga translates to daily life.
Today I learned experience in one pose by no means translates to ability in another. Today I learned to be mindful of each and every muscular movement my body makes, as the slightest adjustment could potentially prove painful. Today I learned that letting my mind wander sometimes leads to the letting go of tension I have been so desperately seeking.

Through today's yoga I was reminded to be humble, mindful (both in action and thought), and less vigilant.

What will tomorrow's yoga bring?