Some days more than others I am overwhelmed by awareness. I am overwhelmed by a sense of shame to belong to a human race so full of anger, betrayal, lies and ego. I joined a local church to seek those full of humility, kindness and empathy. I found several people I am happy today to call friends, people full of joy for life. I treasure their company.
I also found people seething with anger. I found people wallowing in hate. I found people guided by that self-same ego. I cannot live buried beneath those who live, breath and eat anger as they do. I do not understand the games being played around me.
Why tell me a horrid story, supposed friend of mine? Why tell me a story designed to provoke jealousy, designed to provoke a measurable response? You made a mistake to assume I would be as easily played as so many others. Yes, I am an emotional woman. Yes, I experienced an emotional reaction as you spouted your deception...but then I let it go. Jealousy solves no problems. I have an active mind, above all else, and my mind is telling me that there is something wrong with your story. You are much too eager to press these details upon me. You are much too eager to gauge my reaction.
I refuse to believe the person I have been getting to know all this time is creating a nonsense persona for me to absorb. It defies logic. What I see in this woman is pure and true. It is not manipulative.
Yes, your tale stopped me in my tracks. It made me stop and think. It made me second guess myself, it made me mistrust other people. What are you gaining from my mistrust? What are you gleaning from my reaction? How does this scenario advance your ends?
As eager as I am to accept new people into my life, as eager as I am to see all that is good and true, do not think I am fool enough to allow people to remain in my life when they have proved themselves destructive. I have no need for that sort of unpleasantness, and no hang up about severing ties.
For you, my one regular reader...this was not intended for you. This is just one letter that will not be sent.